In an ideal world, your lover loves you exactly for who you are: your high pitched voice, your loud laugh or your addiction to night snacks. In reality, there are habits that even the most devoted lover would secretly (openly) like that you make some changes. To change for him? Is this a good idea or not?
There is a big difference between a partner who expressed this wish in good faith and one who belittles you constantly and makes you a thousand remarks. This can destroy you personally which inevitably will end your relationship.
Here are some signs that your partner has good intentions:
He is still waiting for the right time to express his feelings
If your companion is patient, encouraging and expresses his opinions of calm and sincere manner, it is animated by good intentions. On the other hand, if he ridicules you in public and consistently moral you about what you should do or not, it does not show interest in you and healthy relationship.
He still expresses his thoughts with respect
Ridicule has no place in a healthy relationship. Your partner must build confidence and encourage you to overcome your difficulties. It should not belittle you, disassemble or insinuate that you are a bad person, unworthy of being loved.
He told you of your best qualities
He should tell you of everything he loves about you and help you to further improve these traits of your personality. It’s counter-productive if your partner is constantly harping about what you do bad, but not what you do well. He should stop for a moment and realize that he himself is far from perfect. This is an opportunity to have a good discussion about the changes that each of you can make.
It gives you support and motivation
Your partner should be your biggest fan and support you in all that you undertake. If he wants, for example, that you exercise more, he should go to the gym and workout with you.
He does not blame you for his mistakes or his emotions
It is important that your partner distinguish between his own problems and what he asks you to change. If he is the type that simply gives orders to everyone, it’s a bad sign.
How to react if your partner asks you to change?
If he asks you in a gentle and respectful way, to make some changes in your behavior for the sake of your relationship, start by not offending him and follow these three golden rules:
Of course it is painful to hear your partner say that something has to change, but think before answering. This is surely an honest request, not an unfounded criticism because he sincerely wants to improve your relationship with your help.
Do not respond under the influence of anger or frustration
This is not the time to get you’re panties all in a bunch. Save it for another time. Give him the recognition he expects from you after he made the effort to inform you of the changes he would like to see. You will think it’s your turn. Discuss the efforts that you could do to remedy the situation but do not promise more than you can accomplish.
Do not hesitate to contact a professional
Sometimes couples need therapy or at least outside help that will help them improve their relationship.
Remember that ultimately, the most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. If you stick to your actions and decisions, good things happen. Don’t let someone convince you to do something you don’t want.